The flow of travel

Travel is so weird. One moment you’re fully embracing the everlasting freedom with the wind in your hair, the next, you’re huddled up in your dorm room watching Netflix, afraid to go out into the world and interact with people.

My experience thus far being on the road has been wildly exhilarating, but also paired with anxiety and self-doubt. I forget what it was like to travel as a young 20 something, unafraid, overly confident and so very, very naïve.

This week so far, I’ve been on a wild rollercoaster of emotions for this new way of being. I’ve been on the highest of highs, on top of the Spanish alps and in absolute awe of the wonderful opportunities and experiences that I’ve been so grateful of receiving. But I’ve also been in the trenches of grief, deep sadness, self-isolation and self-abandonment and crying for hours on end you think you’ll never stop. The spectrum of emotions, so very welcome, but difficult to comprehend. Balance is key here.

It’s the little moments in travel that get me though. The stranger on the street who stops to help you find your way, the waitress who greets you with a big grin and speaks no English but somehow the both of you end up fumbling your way through a dinner order and leave extra satisfied. Its also the friends you met maybe years ago, who you shared special moments with who excitingly show you around their hometown and host you for a weekend- receiving a local’s guide to the area, which in my opinion, is priceless.

It’s the experience of being completely out of your comfort zone, of knowing only enough of the language to just survive, of catching that bus to that random place you’ve never heard of because your intuition is telling you to. These are the moments that are gifting my Soul with fresh energy and revival of my global spirit.

Its moments like sitting on a local bus and watching everyone around you and realising deeply, that even though they’re not speaking my language, they’re not so different from me. No matter where you’re from, we all have the same desire- to love, to give, to seek happiness and to be with loved ones. I believe that all humans beings are intrinsically good. Deep down, we all want to do good, to help and to give to others.

Today I was walking down the main road in a town in northern Spain. I was crossing the road when I saw a homeless man ahead, sitting, holding a cup out asking for money. He had a sign around his neck with a picture of what looked like his family. As I was approaching him, I saw a little boy around 7 years old run up to him, speaking in Spanish smiling and handed him a few coins. The homeless mans face lit up, he high-fived the kid, and the kid- had the biggest toothless smile on this face. It was in that moment that I felt the connection to every single being, regardless of demographic, colour, age or sex. It was that moment for me, that got me out of my singular mindset, of the fear of connecting with others whilst im traveling alone.

I do this thing when I’m traveling on my own where I close my body language, I think my face turns a bit harsh and I hug myself closer- as a way of protection…from what, I don’t know. I think it’s a subconscious program of knowing the perceived dangers that solo women face when we travel alone. Its something that I can feel myself doing, but im not sure how to not do it. I wish I can remain open and receptive and TRUSTING that people are receptive and respective. I know I’ll get there with time, more solo backpacking experience, and self- confidence.

I’ve discovered that I’ve packed way too much stuff though. It’s the little stuff that all seems to add up as well. It’s the anti-ageing face creams, the curly hair gel, the vitamins, the ‘just in case I go to a fancy restaurant’ dress. I’m finding that these nice things, are weighing on me the heaviest. I’m literally carrying the weight of these things. My bag is heavy and it’s limiting my freedom. I think I need to let go of a few of these heavy, not necessary, extra items. These items that I’ve told myself I need to stay young and look good. The weight of consumerism and social pressure. Let it go Elodie, be free.

Above all this, the journey has only just started and I’m learning as I’m going. I’m quiet, yet observant, not quite out of my shell just yet. I don’t feel like my ‘normal’ self, yet who is that person? I feel like I’m a hundred different ‘versions’ of myself to everyone I meet and know and I’m still finding who that person is for myself.

I’m a small fish in a new big pond and I’m finding my groove, my dance, my flow.