The disappearing path and the reminder that Death walks by my side always.
Life has really been initiating me lately- intense ongoing triggers, wayward paths and the passing of 2 loved ones…
Lately I’ve been having some troubles on this spiritual pilgrimage path. I thought for a while there that my intuition had abandoned me, had left me high and dry after leading me down the garden path. I felt so angry and abandoned at spirit! I had done everything to follow the calling and its just stopped dead in the tracks and left me in this limbo land… That’s when I started going into my head, allowing my masculine energy to take over and go into planning and logic mode, as a way of protection and safety. This is where the dis-alignment came into effect, the mis-match of energy between my intuition and my logic, my feminine and my masculine energies. They had started working against each other and were in constant conflict and dis-ease. That’s when I knew that I needed to work on the healthy relationship between these two parts of my being. They needed to come together in unity, harmony, as a team and work together.
I feel this spiritual pilgrimage that I’m on is one that’s souly only for me. It’s never been done before and no one else will ever do it the way I’m doing it. Its completely only for me and me alone and I feel that’s where the apprehension and doubt come into play. I’m literally the creator of my own path right now and there’s no map, no compass, no destination, there never has been and there never will be. I’m completely going against the grain of societal standards and I’m in the wild unknown of my psyche, the world and the universe. All I can do is continue to have my faith and lead with the lantern of my own heart and take one step in front of the other and keep following the little intuitive nudges as they happen. I thought that my intuition would light the way for me for metres ahead, instead its happening in the moment, sometimes right before, and it’s hard to understand just exactly what is going on and where I’m being guided. Again, another invitation to lean in even deeper into trust and belief.
I have the tools, the skills, the knowledge to walk this path myself. All of these years of training and inner work has lead me to this very point in my spiritual evolution where im being asked to step up, into myself, and trust like ive never been asked to trust before. I’m literally at the whim of my intuition and my heart. Its almost as if I’ve given all my free-will over to Spirit and I’m allowing the process to unfold as its divinely meant to. It’s a cosmic experiment and im so willing and here for the process of unravelling and self-discovery. I have this insatiable curiosity for the path that is being guided for me and where its leading me. I’m 100% willing to hear the call and take the journey deeper into the unknown of life and surrender completely to it. It’s a constant hero’s/heroine’s journey, deep into the layers of my psyche, into my shadows, into the other worlds, to learn the lessons through triggers and teachers/people who come my way, and then take the gifts from the interactions and relationships. I feel it’s the Alchemist’s journey, learning and taking the lessons and transforming them into precious elements and gold. Transforming and transmuting all lessons into pure clarity and wisdom. I feel Spirit is asking me to dive deeper down the rabbit hole of ancient mystic teachings, learning the arts of the ancient civilisations and the secrets of the lost. I feel the path of the Priestess is very much linked in with the path of the Mystic- taking these experiences on pilgrimage and turning them into tangible wisdom.
Over the last few years, I’ve been doing A LOT of work on my inner feminine energy- opening, softening, surrendering, trusting. Being in my feminine soft energy really has had positive effects in my life. Life has been more ‘ease-ful’, enjoyable, less pushy, less forced and I’ve become the ‘magnet’ for the things that I desire in my life. The past year, I have been working more and more with the pure and loving energetic frequency of Mary Magdalene. Mary was actually a human woman, she was the divine union with Jesus in the original teachings of Jesus and Christ Consciousness. Mary was the 13th Apostle and known as the ‘Apostle of Apostles’. It’s been said that she was a Priestess of Isis and studied the ancient arts of magick, divine sexual union and Tantra. Mary actually wrote a gospel, which was ordered to be destroyed, because she was a woman, the church wiped out her teachings from the Bible and she was deemed as a ‘whore’ that Jesus helped. Mary was actually a very educated woman and came from a wealthy family and she was the embodiment of the Divine Feminine in human form. Her gospel was only discovered in a market stall in Egypt in the late 1800’s and not translated until the early 1900’s. Her gospel is quite small but basically the teachings focus on the principle of Gnosis- inner knowing. For me, following this Gnostic path has been a beautiful reminder of personal SOVEREIGNTY. That no-one else can light the way for me, but myself. That I know all the answers within my heart, my womb and my soul. Mary’s teachings and reminders of self-love, sensuality, empowerment and courage have been the balm to soothe my over- thinking mind. She reminds me of the internal love I have within, for myself and for humanity. She reminds me daily to fall into grace and compassion for all parts of myself, as well as for all parts of humanity.
I’ve been hearing the call to walk the path of the Rose priestess. To invite more of the wisdom of the Rose into my life. The beautiful Rose- reminds me of life’s fullest potential. See the Rose’s fragrance is already of a high vibration scent, sending us dizzy with aphrodisiac. The Rose gracefully moves through the natural transitions in her life- the rose hip, the bud, the full bloom, the death and decay and the void- all whilst having some sharp thorns to protect her boundaries. I’ve been learning more about the Rose lineage of Priestesses and the beautiful wisdom and energy that they bring. The Rose has been teaching me a lot how to Be in the world, how to move through my own natural internal stages- the death of the old patterns/beliefs, stories, personality traits etc, before moving into the void, the unknown of returning to the soil, to the earth. Afterwards comes the rose-hip seeds, holding the codes of new potential before moving into the bud of re-birth and new possibilities and finally coming into full bloom. I love that the Rose attracts with her scent and her beauty, she doesn’t move, but she receives what she needs. This has been a reminder for myself to BECOME the thing that I’m desiring, instead of going around and chasing it.
However, walking this Rose Priestess path and being initiated as a ‘Rose Priestess’ was something that I thought I needed someone else to do for me. I thought I needed to join a training program, learn the knowledge and then become formally initiated by a human into this path as a form of validation that I am indeed a legit Rose Priestess with a certificate and all….hahahha! Initiations, I feel, shouldn’t be done by other humans, but by the goddess/spirit themselves, that’s the true initiation to get to that space of pure self-sovereignty. Why should I wait and have a human initiate me onto the path of the priestess? But rather have source itself do it for me in the form of spiritual connections, lessons and tests? Just another way that this Gnostic path is guiding the way of inner knowing, of self-sovereignty, of inner trust and being my own guide, my own initiatrix, my own faith… My continued devotion to this path of the Rose, to the divine feminine mysteries and to the Goddess is ever- blooming, decaying and budding, just like the Rose, my ultimate teacher on this path and the deep mysteries that I continue to unravel with love, grace and joy through lessons and tests
And finally, this last week, I’ve experienced the passing of 2 loved ones in my life. The news of this hit hard, especially being away from home and not being there for my loved ones. However, their deaths have given me perspective about how lucky I am to truly be alive right now, in this healthy body, with the opportunities present to myself right now. The ability I have to follow my true calling and truly LIVE my life to the fullest is a true blessing and one that I can never bypass or take advantage of ever again! Death is a very living entity and through death, I’m learning how to live. Death is always walking by my side and its only ever a moment/choice/situation/experience away. I’m aspiring not to be afraid of death, of letting go of this human experience called Elodie. I want to keep my heart open and love openly. I want to love so hard that it makes me weep with joy and appreciation of the gift of life, love and those people in it. Even just the fact that we can experience and feel the vibration of love is a gift! Even loving strangers openly, everyone, as everyone is a mirror for ourselves. The parts in others that we curse or hate are those very same parts within ourselves that we’re bypassing and denying and needing our love. Your perception of me is a reflection of you. I feel with the expansiveness of experiencing deep grief and heart-ache, loss and sadness, we are opening ourselves to truly feel the extreme opposite of the ability to truly feel and experience expansive and exploding love, gratitude, appreciation and awe in this life. Both extremes of emotions valid and very worthy of being seen and felt.
So death is my teacher, my way-marker, my check-point, for how deeply I am opening to life, to love, to spirit. Death is always here, even if its in the death of personalities, ways of being, belief systems, shedding old skins and constantly transforming and re-birthing. The surrender it takes to accept death with an open heart takes courage and trust. That on the other side will be far more valuable- there is always far better ahead than anything we leave behind…
So here’s to death, and life. Here’s to the messy ups and downs. Here’s to the wayward paths, the unknown, the fog, the chaos and the calm. Here’s to it all, for if there was none of this, I wouldn’t be truly living, and I wouldn’t be the colourful tapestry of human I get to be in this lifetime xx
