Healing the maternal ancestral lineage

Germany called to me as a place of deep healing, much deeper than just this physical, it felt like a line of women were beckoning me there ready to help them release the past pain, trauma, resentment, sadness, guilt, shame and frustration of years gone by. They were asking for my help, to undo the trauma that had been filtering through my mother line for generations. A lineage of un-conscious women in their time when they were living, unknowing of how to heal or the detrimental impact that it has on their off-spring on an unconscious level. The passing on of this epigenetics from mother to baby, mother to baby and continuing. The buck stops with me…

I always loved listening to my Oma tell me stories of her childhood growing up in war-time Germany. She even wrote her life story some years ago which was a beautiful way for me to really feel the words of her soul as she was describing her experiences. As she would be telling me these stories, I would be vividly imagining the scenes in my head as she spoke them out loud… a gift that I’ve always had, but always thought it was just fantasies and imaginations, but unbeknownst to me, were actually psychic visions of the events through the eyes of my ancestors. The one thing that I’ll never forget though, is how often my Oma used to tell me that ‘her mother never loved her and that she was a disappointment’. I could feel the pain in my Oma’s words as she would tell me this over and over again throughout the years of our close relationship and she often used to dream of her mother as well, even though her mother died many years ago…

About 3 months ago, in Spain, I went to a women’s retreat and it was here that we did a lot of healing of the feminine and the maternal ancestral lineage. It was here that we gave our thanks to our maternal ancestors for all of the hard work they had to endure, the pain, the trauma, of being suppressed, shamed, controlled- all because back then, women were just wives and mothers, their needs didn’t matter. We were able to connect with our women lineage and really FEEL their life experience, understand how it could have been, and we gave deep gratitude for everything they did and what they sacrificed to allow us to be born and to be living in this time and era of improved acceptance and liberation and safety. We also blessed some holy water with all of our prayers and intentions and took some home with us to use for healings.

About 2 months ago, when I was walking through a beautiful forest in the Canary Islands, Spain. I had a sudden psychic arrival come through into my awareness from my great grandma- Paula, my Oma’s mother. She needed my help and didn’t know what to do. She felt so sad, bitter, angry, full of spite and just wanted to be known. I held her in all of that and gave her love. I could see and feel her trauma, her life experiences that had led her to be the person she was when she was alive. The mother that she had been according to my Oma, a mother with little time for physical touch, expressions of love and a strong harshness and bitter tongue. I knew that my great Oma had survived 2 world wars, had 5 children, 1 of which died during child birth, and that her mother had died when she was 3. As the weight of this realization sunk in, that this woman had experienced so much trauma in her life and especially had no mother growing up herself, all I had was compassion and empathy and understanding for her. She had done her best with the skills, tools, awareness and situation that she was dealt with. I can’t imagine it had been easy in the early 1900’s to prioritize love & kindness over survival when you didn’t even know when the next time you’d be able to put food on the table. I kept my connection with my great Oma- Paula, in my meditations daily as a way to have her present and to feel her energy. With each passing day, she grew to feel more softer, gentler, more open and loving and compassionate as she was finally been witnessed in all of her grief and anguish.

2 days ago, my pilgrimage brought me to Neuwied, the town where my Oma grew up and where her mother and father also grew up. As soon as I stepped foot on the land, I could feel the thrill of something bigger than me. Equally, it also felt like I had ‘come home’. Paula had been showing me in my meditations where she was buried in the cemetery as well as her husband and his mother. I dropped my things off at the hotel and entered meditation to connect to her energy. She told me to just go and everything will fall into place. As I was walking to the cemetery, I felt a chill of excitement but nerves. What if I did this healing and then my connection to her would vanish, what if my Oma’s time was up when I healed the maternal line and she left this physical world whilst I wasn’t in Australia to say goodbye to her…? I slowly entered the cemetery and took a deep breath, connected back to Paula and she showed me where to walk. She took me to the very far corner of the cemetery near a big oak tree with squirrels running through it. I wandered around yet couldn’t find their graves. I started to second guess myself and wandered around for 2 hours looking at all of the graves in this one cemetery but couldn’t find them. Then my intuition guided me back towards town to another older cemetery which had vines and trees growing wildly throughout the headstones, making it difficult to see the names. But they were also not there either…

As the cemetery was closing at 6pm and I didn’t want to get locked inside all night (could have been interesting) I left with a heavy heart. Paula guided me towards the Rhein river and the Pegelturn and lead me to her old house- 68 Schlossstrasse…which was now a pizza shop run by a beautiful Italian couple. I had visited here about 5 years ago when I came to Germany, but that wasn’t for ancestral healing work…more so out of familial curiosity… I ordered a pizza with the old man and his wife was there and they asked me what I was doing in Neuweid. I said that my Oma used to live in this house and they both suddenly remembered me from 5 years ago which was so lovely. They shared the news that an old family member had passed and wished me well on my journey.

After leaving a little dis-heartened that my pilgrimage hadn’t been successful and that I didn’t find the grave, I contacted my mum’s cousin Gabi who is also spiritually minded. I asked her about the graves and she said that they no longer exist as they dig the graves up after 25 years in Germany if there’s no family to look after it. That really bummed me out at the thought of my ancestors bones being disturbed and relocated to somewhere else.

I walked to the Schloss park at sunset and ate my pizza as I figured out what to do next. Paula told me that I didn’t need the physical grave to do the healing, to go and find somewhere in nature. I went for a walk and spotted a big beautiful tree in the middle of a clearing and it just beckoned me to do the healing there. As a sat down under the tree, I laid out some precious items for an altar- a picture of my guide Mary Magdalene, a rose quartz crystal, some rose oil, a picture of my Oma and Opa and another picture of my great great Oma who shares a birthday with me. I lit some Palo Santo and called in the 4 directions around the tree. I sat in meditation listening deeply to the messages and brought my maternal ancestors into the rose garden inside my heart. One-by-one they each received the healing and I poured some of the holy water from the womens retreat onto their land that they came from. It was then, that I got a strong connection and understanding to Paula’s mother, the woman who had died when she was 3. Wilhemina was her name and she was telling me that she suffered a lot from the hand of her husband and that her death had actually been due to him- weather it was an accidental death from him, or a suicide from her to stop the pain, either way, there was a lot of pain associated there. Wilhemina apologised to Paula for abandoning her and that she had always loved her. Suddenly I was looking through the eyes of Paula- watching her mothers body being carried away in a wooden coffin through the house at age 3 and taken into the back of a horse to be carried away and never spoken of again. No wonder why she had so much unprocessed trauma and hurt and pain that she unconsciously transferred to my Oma. No wonder why she didn’t know how to be a loving mother, as she didn’t have one growing up…

They all thanked me for the work I was doing to set them free and to stop the unconscious pattern from being passed down the line anymore. Just as I was setting them free in my heart, a big flock of geese flew overhead honking and squarking and the words ‘fly free’ rung out…it was a beautiful moment.

After that, I came to the deep realisation that it doesn’t really matter to be on the land or return to the place of your ancestors, as they’re in your heart always. As I was walking around the cemetery, I kept wondering ‘am I just chasing ghosts’? Yes, I was. But I feel that I needed to chase these ancestral ghosts to really come to the deep realisation that the real connection is always in my heart and my womb, where I’ve come from and where they’ve come from. All of our ancestral DNA comes from the wombs of our maternal lineage and so a piece of them is within each and every one of us. Through the science of epigenetics, we know that trauma is stored in the cells and if left unhealed, is passed down through our children and they inherit the same trauma, beliefs and conditioning.

Sometimes awareness is a gift, and also a curse. A gift in the sense that it opens me up to greater love, compassion and understanding towards my family and their behaviours and actions of the past. But a curse, that it forces me to look hard at my shit all the fucking time. That I can’t project the blame onto others anymore and take full radical responsibility…which is a bitter pill to swallow!

Throughout all of this ancestral searching, I’ve made a close connection with my mum’s cousin, Gabi, who lives in Germany and runs her own holistic spiritual business. I’ve felt her cheering me on from our google translated conversations and she understands the Soul work that I’ve been doing, especially here in Germany. It’s been nice to get more connected to family who feels this way and understands the importance of healing the ancestral lineage. When we heal ourselves, we heal for 7 generations forward and 7 generations back. The healing that I’m helping my ancestors with is also healing each of them plus myself, plus my future children and my little baby niece Ava. It feels good to be in psychic service like this

So, I want to leave a message with you. Your ancestors aren’t just dead ghosts who don’t exist anymore. They live in the very fibre of your being, your genetic makeup, they are you and you are them. If you want to learn more about them and how they lived, take a look at yourself, your habits, your conditioned beliefs, how you think. You might be closer to them than you think. I only have deep gratitude to my ancestors, for doing everything they could to stay alive, they worked hard, had shittier life conditions to what we have today, had to fight to keep food on the table and a roof over their head, living through wars, rape, trauma, control, death, plagues, surviving everything they could, just so you could be alive today to witness life. The life you have today is a testament to their fighting courage and strength, to keep going at all odds. Unfortunately, trauma wasn’t spoken about back then, services didn’t exist to get help. Can you imagine a world where death, rape, torture, pain, sadness wasn’t spoken about? No access to counselling or psychology and if so, the stigma and judgement you’d face would be massive! No access to safe abortion so if you were raped you had to abort yourself dangerously or have the baby and deal with it? I applaud my ancestors, the strength it took to go through what they went through, for me to have this much easier and free life. I invite you all to turn within, to have compassion in your heart for the struggles that your ancestors endured, the unconscious patterns and trauma passed down through generations. Love will conquer all xx